I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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