Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
