Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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