@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
