the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
