I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
