Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My hand turned me down
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
