i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
