I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
