I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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