"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
