apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
