I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
