I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
