Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
