Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
