Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
