Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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