Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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