The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
