so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
