I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
