if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Need sex. Gaining weight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
