So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
