Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
