I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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