I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
