fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize