My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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