Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
