Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
