it hurts more in the daytime
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just found a bag of teeth...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
