Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize