Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
