Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize