Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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