can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
