Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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