Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
