sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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