That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize