I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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