flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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