so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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