Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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