Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
