I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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