Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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