Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize