apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
