hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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