my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
