My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
