We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
