I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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