i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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