i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize