I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize