my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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