Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
