I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
