Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
