if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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