Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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