Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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