He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
