Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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