...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
