Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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