I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
