It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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