It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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